and the kaleidoscope turns yet again

i got a call from the Paul Mitchell school yesterday and financial aid will completely cover my school expenses!!!!!!! yes, i'll be paying back a helluvalot in loans once classes are over....but i'll be a hair stylist by then!
when it comes to big decisions like this ("hmm....i think i wanna spend $16,000 and go to hair school!") i seem to jump in head first, no second thoughts. but i've been circling the gorge before the final plunge this time, just to be sure. but regardless of the obvious worries all i can say is that this road feels...fitting. delightfully fitting, actually.
i still want to do as much photo & design work as i can manage, and hopefully by the time i'm out of school i can support myself solely with my camera & shears. an artful life, documentation and creation. it feels colorful.
along with this, my usual comparison to life is my garden. the seeds i had replanted have finally emerged and have thoroughly enjoyed the rain. i'm still watering with my stored rainwater and am relieved to finally see some growth (in all aspects).

sad news: my allie still hasn't come home. =(
frankie is so so lonely, especially since i've been working out of the house more. and i know its only going to get worse when i start school. i've been thinking of getting him a buddy. i was watching some orientals on youtube and found this one that sounds so much like my little boy! (yes, i know, "alien-ish" is what you're probably thinking.) but i love it!

kaleidoscope

i watched another home-birth video this morning. by the end of it there were tears rolling down my cheek, as usual. it makes me think about my life, if i will ever get to have kids. when, how, with whom...on and on. i think about my past years when "kid talk" was off limits and how i've suddenly come around. everything is changing and forming this new perfect path. all i can feel is a kaleidoscope.



this is Star FK Radium - "Blue Siberia"

rainy sunday photo drive

perfect rainy day + drive around norman = fun finds

colorful flamingos hunting easter eggs!

colorful roof!

i just liked the sign

fun minty colored truck

i always love raindrops on glass

despite my ambivelance toward OU i really do love this town. i wasn't particularly an OSU fan either (i'm a terrible alumnus, i know) so i can be impartial and say that norman is way cooler than stillwater.

=)

0+0=0

<3

  

"you're someone my demons have no fear of"

i like that line.

this makes me want to stay home and make toast. walk around in my underwear, make videos.

i've been thinking a lot about my life. what i want. who i am.

i've been testing waters and realizing i've known for a while what it is i'm looking for.

sometimes, when building, you freak out mid-construct. you look around frantically to make sure you're not crazy.

i know i'm not crazy.

i want a life that means something. i want to love and live and create. i want to sustain myself with my passions. i'm so close and so far away. i'm learning and listening and feeling. this road is so unfamiliar, but i'm comforted with the knowledge that i'm not alone. and everything i need will be found along the way.

bittersweet

today was grandpa's funeral. i still don't really have words to describe where i'm at with it. i'm relieved, but sad. but he had a good, long life of 92 years. he was so loved, and so loving in return.

my mom & aunt

me & the bros

[side note - i'm soooo glad that i'm the only one that got my grandmother's 'short' genes. i'd feel sorry if one of my brothers was a shrimp like me.]

with dad

 ...and mom!

and our last living grandparent...our ornery grandpa! haha! he's a pill!

saila' boy!

sporting micah's hat

and then micah busted himself up while playing football in the front yard...

ouch!

and now i'm beat. its nearly "zzzzzz" time

around me

restless

i was doing well. thriving, growing, accomplishing things.
but now i'm restless.
as my "stay-at-home-doing-what-i-want" funds are dwindling and i'm picking up jobs i find myself uneasy. i'm beginning to get frantic. bills. gas. food.
i haven't felt my heart in a while.  i'm numb.
i'm out of reach while my phone is disconnected, so the isolation is inevitable.
my garden is slow growing, and i can't ignore the comparison.
i don't know what it is that i need, or if i need anything at all. 

release

as i just walked into work last night at 5:45pm my grandfather passed, peacefully and surrounded by family. we have been so blessed to have him as ours. father, grandfather, mentor and inspiration.

something good

i'm going to spend the day with my family at my grandfather's assisted living center. we got a call from the hospice nurse who believes he probably won't make it to tomorrow morning. not fun news. but neither is seeing an electrical engineer who was constantly in motion sleeping his days away in a reclined chair. i had a dream a few weeks back that he was telling me about how when you pass on you become your real self again, you soar and do everything you wish you could.
my grandpa is brilliant. i'm living here in his house amongst years of ham radio tinkerings, thousands of books and periodicals, electrical thingamajigs of every sort. i love this place. i love the memories and the traces of my grandparents everywhere. i love that here i'm learning to mesh my present with my past. and learning to weave my future into all this as well.
so many things in my life are coming, going, circling and landing. i'm losing loved ones but cementing friendships. i'm learning that i can't worry about things beyond my grasp. i'm growing out of my fears and into something new. i picked a mug for my tea this morning and when i read it i smiled.

something good is going to happen to you

something good has happened, it is happening now. life is moving, changing, fitting together.

dear grandpa <3

good juju

after many months of cheap-beer-buying i've decided i need to get back to my roots. when i was married my husband and i brewed our own. i wasn't really a fan of beer before our first batch, but tasting the brew of our labor won me over. so i ventured back into the liquor store instead of grocery-picking. i got some new (to me) stuff and figure i might share it with you!

this one is from left hand brewing co. i have to admit i was first captured by the label artwork. i mean, who can pass up psychedelic skulls?! {not me}
good juju, brewed with ginger! and man can you tell! but not in a bad way, i love ginger! and the beer has just enough of that flavor without overdoing it. yumm!!! i will definitely be getting this one again!

weekend photos

two of my big interests: old stuff and animals

haha!

well said

my lovely friend alexa had this on her tumblr and i couldn't resist reposting. so.perfect.

Ultimate Blog Party 2011

 

hey yo! i'm shara! sharalee is my actual (long) name but since most people somehow translate it to "shirley" when i'm introduced we're just gonna go with shara. haha! what i will tell you about myself today will probably be completely different from what i might tell you in 6 months, that sort of happens with me. in the past 8 months i came out of the closet, got divorced, met a girl, broke up with girl, moved from my college town back to 'home' in the okc metro and got laid off from my job. i know i make that sound fairly breezy but its all been a giant roller coaster that i couldn't have survived without my lovely friends and family!

i'm a photographer, and had been doing that on my nights & weekends while working a bank job for 6 years during my  married life. the job layoff sort of booted me out of the comfort of a steady paycheck & health insurance, but made me realize what i really want my life to be like. so now i'm making each day mine, doing what i want to do.

which means: i'm re-launching my photo & design business. and i'm applying for hair school! i drink a lot of earl grey and french press coffee. i love spending time in my garden. i photograph anything and everything (which is why you may get tired of seeing photos of my cup of tea). i love music and movies and dinner nights with friends & wine. i make jewelry and other things out of bottle caps and whatever used things i can find. i love be outside, biking, running, climbing trees, swimming. i have super random fashion that combines old navy clearance racks, thrift stores, and my uncles junior high wardrobe. i'm half femme/half 13yr old boy.

see?  femme / 13 yr old boy

i dearly miss being a roller girl and need to join a team soon so i can relish being knocked around again. i want more tattoos. i'm a follower of mommy blogs even though the only "mommy" i am is of two cats. it took me freakin forever to even figure out what SAHM meant! but one day maybe i hope to be one. the older i get the younger i feel. and like i'm coming in near the end of this blog party, i tend to always arrive late!  :-)

 kid #1 - allie

                                                 kid #2 - frankie                                      teeaaaaaa

 i'm loving my life. and i love meeting new lives to follow, so leave a comment where i can find you! and if you decide to stick around i promise i'm not always this long-winded

(but i am always this random.)

love love!

<3 shara

blocking the flow

so, a couple weeks ago i posted some blah blah blah about creating your reality. i was motivated to get done what needed to be done so i could have the life i wanted. but we all know how things go. i've had to wait on one thing after another to try to get my financial aid for school finished (still waiting on things, btw). and buy one thing after another (from car tags to contacts to speeding tickets) in the meantime. urghh!!! i've been delving into a crazed frustration day after jobless day while slowly watching my money fade into oblivion. i feel like the flow i had has been blocked.
but i keep thinking about all my years in that gray bank cubicle. all those hours of overtime i would spend trapped indoors daydreaming about my etsy shop, my photography business and being outside. the coworkers who didn't understand my style or why one side of my hair was cut shorter than the other. i remind myself that creating the life you want isn't going to be the easiest way, but the most rewarding. i'm enjoying my "free" time now, even if it does just mean figuring out the complexities of FAFSA, searching for where the hell on my pc i might have saved that tax return or being able to do my laundry at 1pm.
i'm not waiting for my perfect life to arrive. i'm going to make it piece by piece from all the little bits of inspiration around me. it's kind of sucking right now, feeling like it might topple with the slightest breeze. but i figure the beginnings are apt to be a bit shaky. and always be better than a cubicle. for now i have to just grow. learn patience. *breeeaaathe*

on that note, its garden time.

i {heart} new clothes!

today i went shopping and bought this:

(all but the necklace, i made that)

i also made a video! you can't see it yet cause i'm still working on it. but here i am setting up...

photo time!

 so here are some photos of things i've seen/done in the past few days!

i <3 my friend suz's heelers

the wall of death at the thunder motorcycle rally

 it was insane!!!

medieval fair in norman

i <3 Celtic music! *sigh* *swoon*

home

oh yeah...also, i stepped on a dead mouse today. eck!

apparently he had broken into my laundry room in the basement and died there by the door. and i stepped on his lifeless body while rolling out my bicycle. gross.