barefoot and breathing

i begin to wonder about this person i am becoming. this "me" that is evolving as everything inside me intertwines with all that is around me. it is frighteningly promising, but equally delicate. breakable. and i can tend to sabotage myself. i'm keeping myself inside this photograph, to rest. to learn. to listen.

restless

i was doing well. thriving, growing, accomplishing things.
but now i'm restless.
as my "stay-at-home-doing-what-i-want" funds are dwindling and i'm picking up jobs i find myself uneasy. i'm beginning to get frantic. bills. gas. food.
i haven't felt my heart in a while.  i'm numb.
i'm out of reach while my phone is disconnected, so the isolation is inevitable.
my garden is slow growing, and i can't ignore the comparison.
i don't know what it is that i need, or if i need anything at all. 

Ultimate Blog Party 2011

 

hey yo! i'm shara! sharalee is my actual (long) name but since most people somehow translate it to "shirley" when i'm introduced we're just gonna go with shara. haha! what i will tell you about myself today will probably be completely different from what i might tell you in 6 months, that sort of happens with me. in the past 8 months i came out of the closet, got divorced, met a girl, broke up with girl, moved from my college town back to 'home' in the okc metro and got laid off from my job. i know i make that sound fairly breezy but its all been a giant roller coaster that i couldn't have survived without my lovely friends and family!

i'm a photographer, and had been doing that on my nights & weekends while working a bank job for 6 years during my  married life. the job layoff sort of booted me out of the comfort of a steady paycheck & health insurance, but made me realize what i really want my life to be like. so now i'm making each day mine, doing what i want to do.

which means: i'm re-launching my photo & design business. and i'm applying for hair school! i drink a lot of earl grey and french press coffee. i love spending time in my garden. i photograph anything and everything (which is why you may get tired of seeing photos of my cup of tea). i love music and movies and dinner nights with friends & wine. i make jewelry and other things out of bottle caps and whatever used things i can find. i love be outside, biking, running, climbing trees, swimming. i have super random fashion that combines old navy clearance racks, thrift stores, and my uncles junior high wardrobe. i'm half femme/half 13yr old boy.

see?  femme / 13 yr old boy

i dearly miss being a roller girl and need to join a team soon so i can relish being knocked around again. i want more tattoos. i'm a follower of mommy blogs even though the only "mommy" i am is of two cats. it took me freakin forever to even figure out what SAHM meant! but one day maybe i hope to be one. the older i get the younger i feel. and like i'm coming in near the end of this blog party, i tend to always arrive late!  :-)

 kid #1 - allie

                                                 kid #2 - frankie                                      teeaaaaaa

 i'm loving my life. and i love meeting new lives to follow, so leave a comment where i can find you! and if you decide to stick around i promise i'm not always this long-winded

(but i am always this random.)

love love!

<3 shara

i {heart} new clothes!

today i went shopping and bought this:

(all but the necklace, i made that)

i also made a video! you can't see it yet cause i'm still working on it. but here i am setting up...

wants

so i'm going through my pc documents and come across a folder "writings."
and there i found a list of "i wants" i had, written on 1.29.2010 - almost a year ago!

so, here's the list...

I want to:

-buy a Canon 5D MKII

-find myself in my photography

-get my shoulder tattoos

-shave my head

-do a photography project alone or with friends

-have an organized & inspirational workspace

-have at least one baby with preston, with a natural birth

-adopt foreign babie(s) who need a home

-visit (at least) New York, Italy, Japan, Thailand, China

-learn Spanish, Italian, German, French & Gaelic

-live outside the US for at least two years

-stay in shape at any age

-run a marathon

-ride in a hot air balloon

-go sky diving

-own birds again (someday when we don’t have cats)

i think its so funny! so, in the past year (which flew by and i'm surprised i got anything at all done) i actually did 3 of those things! i shaved my head, got one of the shoulder tattoos i wanted, did a photo project.

i do find it encouraging...or reaffirming maybe(?)...that the rest of these "wants" are still the same. after probably the biggest life change i could probably make this past year i find it comforting that i'm still ME.  i figure it means i really do want these things. they're not really trivial things, any of them. they are life things. {now, obviously the baby thing is gonna happen a little differently than i was planning a year ago...but still.}

this year i'll work on more of my list - more specifically the learning languages, hopefully some traveling, and staying in shape. and maybe more! marathon? hmm. we'll see. but now i have more to add to the list as well...but that's another blog.

ok! just for fun, how about some photos from one year ago?!

 seriously!?! this was a year ago??

tues night. wine. thoughts.

 ok.....i HAD thoughts.....but they turned into photos instead....

i'm in love with her. 

 i thought the creepy monkey needed some love

a life change

i've been a hermit lately. and i've emerged from the dark cave of blogging solitude to be open with you. i'm going through a life change. after 6 years of marriage my husband and i are splitting. its been a very emotional and tearful time these past weeks. but i needed to be honest with myself, with him, with family and friends. and now with you. 

i suppose this would be a coming out blog. so here it is. here i am. i like girls. attracted to girls, that is. i've never particularly liked them which is funny, but that's another issue. it took me basically forever to admit. and its the hardest thing i've ever done, especially considering it meant i would be ending my marriage. this isn't taken lightly and i'm not looking for anyone's sympathy. or attention. or criticism.

i'm the same person. i have the same heart. the same soul.

think what you will. approval or disapproval. i'm listening to that deep, quiet voice inside. from the depths of my heart and the pit of my stomach, i'm following the serene lead. my heart aches for what i will be missing, for preston and for our broken relationship. its going to take a while to figure out where to go, what to do, how to continue. and for now that's all there is to tell...

where's audrey when i need her?

so today i go on a lovely bike ride from home to mailbox to store. it was perfect out, i was ready for my evening, some boy waved at me as i rode by. 

and then as i passed he spouts "wanna have sex!?!? hehehe"   

aghh!  and for some reason all i could muster was a lame facial expression that said "gross little boy!"  WHYYYYY couldn't i have reacted better!?!?! and by better, i mean ramming the preteen pussbag with my bike, whamming him in the nose & delivering a swift kick to the crotch!?!?! where's my Audrey DEATHburn when i need her? obviously, not riding the bike with me.

be warned, little roach, i know where you live

and i should also heed the suggestions of yanyan.

on with life....tattoo!!!!

i already posted one cell phone pic of it to facebook, but here's a better one...

 (although it was hard to aim my giant camera at my shoulder with the opposite weenie arm...)

and a random little self shoot from today...

i promise - i don't love myself as much as you'd think with all these photos. they just keep me dreaming...

also i got some new waterproof gel eyeliner to wear for bouts! i think i still need more....think so?