In the passing time

It's been nearly a year and a half since I've posted here. In the passing time I've picked up on tumblr, which I thought would be a more creative outlet but I tend to just post photographs. I haven't exercised my "voice" in a while, other than personal journaling. But this morning as I cleaned the house my soul danced between these walls and I felt like submitting here again.

So, here "we" are. Two years into Seattle life, and oddly enough, still where I was in my last post: "I am an air plant, suspended in a glass globe amongst the Seattle morning fog. It is good, for now." We are still looking for our piece of earth. A lot has happened in the mean time but that is still our goal. Portland may be our home, we both feel it. 

For now, I am still working at the barbershop. Rae is teaching gardening at an alternative school on the South end. We live in North Seattle, where we feel grossly out of place, other than our close reach to the Puget Sound. This city is polished, new. Tech industry is blowing everything out of the water and if I weren't biking to work every day I would probably have gone out of my mind by now. My bike has become my main mode of transport as well as enjoyment. 

I like lists, so here's the compilation of my riches right now:

• P-patch: my personal garden space at our apartment complex where I find my most cherished alone time. This year I am growing strawberries, carrots, beets, turnips, chocolate cherry tomatoes, basil, overwintered garlic, flowers, and first attempts at Star of David okra and national pickling cucumbers. Hoping to pickle everything this year!
• Beekeeping: I got in here after Rae started in April 2014, beginning Cooperative Bee Company. I tagged along until he invited me to maintain my own hive this year. Our new hives this year are named after my grandmothers, Bette and Emma. Mine is Emma. We are up to five hives now after a hive split and Rae catching a swarm, both within this past week. I am so proud of Rae in this venture. He has always wanted bees and now he is catching swarms and caring for the ladies that give us food. It's so blissful and humbling. He has already made his first round of salves from the wax we harvested from last season. 
• Home: we moved to a one bedroom apartment. Rae works a lot and I quit my bartending job back in March so I could have more self care time. This apartment has become my space. Bright, quiet, filled with plants and books and food. I invest everything I want out of my own walls into these and I'll carry it when we move on. 
• Pets: Rumi and Frankie. Enough said. ;-)
• Relationships: I recently began writing to loves. The winter was hard, and I wrote letters for Christmas gifts because that was all I could manage at the time. It was a release, a comfort, to communicate with family in ways that I don't feel free to do on Facebook. I continued my writing to friends and am working on being more intentional with the relationships that feed me. 

Of course I have a million more interests and loves but those are the biggest recipients of my energy recently. I am now writing from a different computer so not many of my photographs have been transferred, but I can't leave a blog without one! So, here's what lately has been looking like...

Cheers, friends!

October

It's morning here on the west coast. I sit at the desk with my coffee, determined not to get sucked back into bed. Any moment the sun will rise over the buildings and light up this room. I assume it will, anyway, because this morning its clear enough to see Mt. Rainier in the distance.

First autumn in the NW. And our first winter to come. The weather has cooled now, maintaining a pretty constant 50 degrees. I don't mind, as it comes with falling leaves and scarves.

I started a tumblr a week or two ago, finding it's image medium to be more to my liking. I haven't blogged in months and always feel a sense of failure after so much silence. So I dive into something new, only to find I have something left for this space. I've been feeling this as a time of fewer words, more feeling. I'm not face-timing, calling or connecting with all my Oklahoma loves as much as I should. I feel I have nothing to say, or at least very little. For now I am simply being. I work 6 days each week, sometimes seven. I probably drink too much beer. I burn my toast/bagel at least once a week because I'm so distractable and shouldn't leave the oven on broil. (I'm eating a burnt bagel now, actually. Ugh.) I'm more of a hermit than I planned on being.

I am happy to be here, but already dreaming of what's next. We're trying to decide where we want to be, how much we can afford, how far we might have to commute for work. Ready for land and a home and some room to spread, and root. My roots are growing in this Pacific mist but still haven't found my earthing place. I am an air plant, suspended in a glass globe amongst the Seattle morning fog. It is good, for now.

Mt. Rainier

morning sun at the Locks

Salmon Bay

Cheers & love

So now that we're here...

For months Rae and I said over and over "I can't wait until we're in Washington." For the weather, the landscape, the ideals of a blue state where nothing is outcast. And here we are. It's been two months now. Things have gone quickly, easily for the most part. I found a bartending job and started within a week. Rae started at Whole Foods but quit within a week (keep hold of your values over money, peeps.) I landed a spot at a reputable local barbershop. Rae finally got the social service job he's been preparing for. We found a place to live, transferred our residencies and licenses. We live here. In Washington. Seattle. Whoa.

We are alone. And not alone. It's a funny feeling. We are processing our places, the size of our feet and length of the streets and height of the curbs. I know very few people here, and those few are acquaintances from the past two months. I miss my family and friends, and the physical closeness to them. Hugs, words, seeing their faces. But I don't miss "home." I am my own home. Cheesy line, I know, and I've said it over and over. For a second I let myself feel guilty about that, but then I realize something that made the most sense I've felt in years.
I've always been here. This has always been my home.

I have the best family & friends I could ever ask for. They support me, love me, help me when I need it. Their presence in Oklahoma is almost all I need to stay there. But as early as junior high I was dreaming of living elsewhere. I wanted to live in a rainy city, downtown near a coffee shop (before I even appreciated coffee.) I wanted grey skies and ocean before I knew what ocean love felt like. Mountains and water and clouds to cover the sky. Immature, naive child thinking I knew where I wanted to live. But I did. I knew the small details of daily living that would make my soul feel at ease. Though a specific city destination may have changed through the years I always yearned for the Northern grey. Ireland set my heart afire again, and Pacific Northwest became first goal. I met my lover, aimed in the same direction. And we were off.

So now that we're here...
Every day hasn't been easy. Sometimes when you dream of something for so long that when you finally arrive you forget - it's still life and life isn't always perfect. I am in no way communicating dissatisfaction. On the contrary, I love it. I am amazed by my surroundings and how far I have come every day. I feel like this is where I've been living my soul life for years, and now it's easier to live outwardly. It's easier to let myself fly into the wind and settle in my bed in the evenings.  But you know how "they" always say you can't run from yourself?! We all know its true.
Here we are.
We arrive and deal with ourselves.
What's next?
How long do we want to live here?
Do we want to settle very far away?
Is this barbershop what I want? 
Do I want to cut hair forever?
What else do I want?
And how can I make those things happen?
And what about kids?
What about off-grid and sustainability?

How do you get what you want, when what you want is everything?!?!

That last question is the pinnacle. I want self-reliance. I want independence. I want dirt and land and trees and self-grown everything. But I also want travel. I want to cut badass hair. I want to be a momma. I want to be nature's lover.

Figuring out your own balance is the greatest thing I think we can ever do. Passion comes naturally. Balance is what you have to work for.

So, this is what I'm working for.

Pike Place Market, behind the counter

Aurora Bridge over Lake Union, view from Fremont Bridge

Lake Union

Lake Union from GasWorks Park

My loves at Discovery Park

{home}

Lighthouse at Discovery Park, overlooking the Puget Sound

where Salmon Bay connects to the Puget Sound

Rumi having a blast

wet dog, stick chewin'

Park yoga with doggie. She was bored.

brew

Cheers to work, to balance and to a thousand passions!

Pre-Launch Prep

We've got less than three weeks until launch. The nervous moths have begun their rounds in our tummies. We have a general plan and a general target, but everything in between is fluid.

Aghhhhohhhmyygooood! {excited freakout}

Last week we made the savings deposit that put us at our goal amount.
Today I paid the last of our debt (other than school loans, of course, which follow you forever. But those will be deferred until we find jobs).
My salon schedule is full and I'm picking up extra bar-tending shifts.
We still need to get a bike rack, seal Scampi's under-parts, figure out the heater, and other last minute details. Every single day until we leave is scheduled with something. That feels weird for me, since I'm not a planner. I am trying to squeeze my family/friend love goodness in between all the tying up of loose ends. And I'm exhausted.

But good exhausted. Going somewhere, working my ass off for something very real and near exhausted. I imagine it somewhat like a mother just at the end of labor. It's been a long (LOOONG) road but so, SO worth it.
I expect this journey will be equal parts vacation, work, and learning experience. It's going to be interesting finding a (preferably free) place to park Scampi and sleep at night for three months. Eating without spending tons of money is another feat we're attempting. We're open to picking up random jobs along the way and selling our art so I suspect we will be in constant go mode. We shall see. This is something neither of us has ever done, so we'll make it what we want.

Subject switch. I'm sitting at Whole Foods for the interwebs and warming my back against the cool early-spring sun. I take care of my business but can't help but overhear from the next table a tale of struggling relationship. She loves him but doesn't want to move with him, he talks to other girls, she wants it to work out, she wonders what will make it a more fulfilling relationship. I forget about how that feels. I forget about how maintaining something like that just begins to feel "normal" after a while. It took me a while to get it right, so I'm not looking down my nose at anyone. I just wish I could walk around telling everyone that they deserve the best, and that fairy tale loves are real!

{Cheese Warning!!!!}

Relationships aren't by nature always easy. But in my opinion the right ones, by nature, are stable in spite of daily craziness and emotional theme parks. I readily admit Rae and I have had breakdowns (especially living together in a 13x7 space with a large dog) but underneath the temporary mess has always been a solid foundation. I feel the same for him now as I did when we first connected. I feel more, actually, as it happens with love over time. We were together immediately, without explanation. And every day we dance a series of push and pulls, give slack and pick up, switch the sails and watch each others backs.
I told a coworker the same thing a couple weeks ago when she said that "fairy tale shit doesn't exist." I felt like glitter and light were suddenly shooting out all my orifices as I proclaimed "oh HELL yes, it does!" I hate glitter. But I love this love.
I am so blessed/lucky/karma-kissed to have found my person.

my lover, selling people organic groceries (and me being a creeper)

Have a lovely week, friends!

OH! Also, I want to say congrats to two lovelies:
My dear friend Leigh (check her blog bromeleighad) for rocking her first art show (and winning the Curators award on top of it!) I have kept a heart-string connected to her since our running days in Stillwater and I'm so excited to see her passion exploding and inspiring others.
And Erin (beautiful momma of Starving Artist Ink) who gave birth to her little #2 this morning at home with her family. So perfect.