Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Valleys Are Natural Too

When telling people about my plans for the near future (the selling all of our belongings, hitching a home to our wheels to live and travel in as we make our way to the Pacific Northwest! Woohoo! spiel) this is how it ususally goes:

Someone: "Washington? DC or state?"

Me: "State"

Someone: "Why Washington?"

Me: "I've just always wanted to live there, so has Rae. So we're going."

Someone: (some form of) "Ohhhh woow, that is SO awesome! How exciting for you!"

It's a little fun to hear someone verbalize their wish to do something you're doing (whether they actually feel that way or not. I'm sure most desire the desire more than the action itself. Which is fine.) I mean, it is a dreamy plan, I must admit!  But days like today I look my Person in the eye and say "this is NOT easy and NOT fun right now."
No one said it would be easy. I hate saying that, I've heard it so many times.

I have recently found myself blogging when I'm feeling on top of my world. Scamp! Curtains! Paying off debt! I annoy myself at my constant optimistic blogging. So today when the lump in my throat finally surfaced as tears I decided I would write. We all want to be on top our mountains, but valleys are natural too, and that is where you'll find me today.

My heart breaks now because we must send my baby Frankie to a foster home until we leave. His royal cat-ness is affecting my step-brother/roomie who has Cystic Fibrosis and has been getting worse. The health of my family is at stake and there's no way I will toy with that. We are taking Frankie tonight to settle into a temporary home with some dear friends who will love him. I'm so lucky for that, my community.

Everything is squeezing so tight on our frames. This room we live out of, the car we share, my two jobs, Rae's 30 hours of overtime each pay period, our two pets living apart from us. Yeah, we're making our dreams happen, but not without help. As independent as we both are we have found ourselves saved by the mercy of others more in the past few months than ever before.

This process is definitely bittersweet. I love how how it feels on those peaks, how far I can see. Now I'm just reminding myself how to be graceful and patient in my valleys.