In the passing time

It's been nearly a year and a half since I've posted here. In the passing time I've picked up on tumblr, which I thought would be a more creative outlet but I tend to just post photographs. I haven't exercised my "voice" in a while, other than personal journaling. But this morning as I cleaned the house my soul danced between these walls and I felt like submitting here again.

So, here "we" are. Two years into Seattle life, and oddly enough, still where I was in my last post: "I am an air plant, suspended in a glass globe amongst the Seattle morning fog. It is good, for now." We are still looking for our piece of earth. A lot has happened in the mean time but that is still our goal. Portland may be our home, we both feel it. 

For now, I am still working at the barbershop. Rae is teaching gardening at an alternative school on the South end. We live in North Seattle, where we feel grossly out of place, other than our close reach to the Puget Sound. This city is polished, new. Tech industry is blowing everything out of the water and if I weren't biking to work every day I would probably have gone out of my mind by now. My bike has become my main mode of transport as well as enjoyment. 

I like lists, so here's the compilation of my riches right now:

• P-patch: my personal garden space at our apartment complex where I find my most cherished alone time. This year I am growing strawberries, carrots, beets, turnips, chocolate cherry tomatoes, basil, overwintered garlic, flowers, and first attempts at Star of David okra and national pickling cucumbers. Hoping to pickle everything this year!
• Beekeeping: I got in here after Rae started in April 2014, beginning Cooperative Bee Company. I tagged along until he invited me to maintain my own hive this year. Our new hives this year are named after my grandmothers, Bette and Emma. Mine is Emma. We are up to five hives now after a hive split and Rae catching a swarm, both within this past week. I am so proud of Rae in this venture. He has always wanted bees and now he is catching swarms and caring for the ladies that give us food. It's so blissful and humbling. He has already made his first round of salves from the wax we harvested from last season. 
• Home: we moved to a one bedroom apartment. Rae works a lot and I quit my bartending job back in March so I could have more self care time. This apartment has become my space. Bright, quiet, filled with plants and books and food. I invest everything I want out of my own walls into these and I'll carry it when we move on. 
• Pets: Rumi and Frankie. Enough said. ;-)
• Relationships: I recently began writing to loves. The winter was hard, and I wrote letters for Christmas gifts because that was all I could manage at the time. It was a release, a comfort, to communicate with family in ways that I don't feel free to do on Facebook. I continued my writing to friends and am working on being more intentional with the relationships that feed me. 

Of course I have a million more interests and loves but those are the biggest recipients of my energy recently. I am now writing from a different computer so not many of my photographs have been transferred, but I can't leave a blog without one! So, here's what lately has been looking like...

Cheers, friends!

On the Road!!!!!

We are now on the road!  I intended to write a week (or a day, or an hour at least...) before we left Oklahoma, but you know how things go. I used every last second for purging belongings, packing, seeing loves, etc.

We rolled out of Oklahoma City on Monday, April 8th. We made it all the way through the (seemingly neverending) Texas panhandle and into Las Vegas, New Mexico just after dark. Our Jeep was having some trouble so we boondocked (parked for free overnight) in the Wal-Mart parking lot and woke to the Jeep's check engine light. Awesome. We made it to an auto shop, where we parked Scampi in the back salvage area and stayed for 32.5 hours while our wheels were repaired. Not the loveliest start to the trip, especially since we weren't hooked up to electric and the night temperature stayed around 12 degrees F. But we made it, and the Jeep needed to get that final tune up before attempting our uphill climbs.

The mountains just North of Las Vegas on our way to Taos were absolutely gorgeous. Snow flurries floated around us as we ascended and the sun met us upon descent. Here we have been for a couple days...I'm not interested in exacting my times as its fun to get lost in the days. And speaking of, that's enough of the boring details. I'd rather show you things...

Before we left I photographed and videoed the Copperheads show at Kamp's

Clementine's crepe myrtle

content girl

warm rainy sunset in the Clem backyard

reflection, calming

neighbor s'more party, break from packing

The redbuds were just beginning to bloom! I'm glad I got to see this...

Driving out of OKC

playing in the snow in Las Vegas, NM

Rumi remembers her bite game from protection school

Snowy drive through the Carson National Forest

Door in Taos

Rae in downtown Taos

We stayed at the Taos Valley RV Park, this is the view looking North

taking Rumi for a walk, this is looking South back toward the RV Park

Taos, NM

I feel I should add, yesterday afternoon/evening I felt my first pangs of sadness. Missing "home," which actually isn't home at all but just a place where all my loves live, the area that is familiar. I am my own home. Rae, Rumi, our space together inside Scampi. But my chest was heavy with missing my family and friends and the vicinity of closeness. I know this is just the beginning of such. I know I'll not be ready when it fully sets in, there's no way one can be. You just feel it, hold yourself close.

My ex-husband, who I am still good friends with, texted me the day we left with a wish. It's a quote from Anthony Bourdain, whom we both adore...

"I wish that you will travel, see the world. That traveling will leave its marks on you, that it will change you. That you'll love much, discover yourself, become a more and more strong person, live your dreams, become the person you dream to be, and live a full life."

Those may be my favorite wishes among all that I have received before leaving on this journey. And so dear to me because we both had that wish for so long and nourished it alongside one another. But it was never time until now. And now is so, so right.

I will update again soon when we are connected again... Cheers, friends!

Solitude

It's that one thing I can go weeks, months, countless days without. I grew up in a household of six on a street always astir with a swarm of kids. Our trodden-to-dirt front yard (mourned by my parents) was the unofficial meeting ground, constantly covered in bikes. College life was hundred-head-count classes, twice daily practices and travel with my large track family. I feel at home being that little ant in the big march. I'm used to crowds. Honestly, I like them. Solitude for me has been a rare and curious occurrence. When it was offered I could take it or leave it.

Well, at least I thought I could take it or leave it. But some parts of the soul, even if they are few and small, need solitude. The older I get the more I crave it. And working two service industry jobs makes it all the more evident. I do do do for everyone, all the time. Monday through Saturday I will cut and color your hair, wax those brows, give you a nice blowout and the best in products. On the weekends I'll suggest you the best beers on draft, bring your food and make sure your drink is never empty. On my days off I do my darnedest to see family, friends, spoil my dog with outings, finish photo projects I've taken too long to finish, etc., etc.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I chose my jobs and I work maniacal hours so I can get where I want to be. This is completely voluntary and I'm not a slave to any system. The point I'm making (for my own understanding) is that I need to make Solitude just as important. And If anyone can complain about my lack of such it's my lover. Realization:

{It's obvious when you stop giving to yourself, 

because you stop giving to your partner as well.} 

Wow. I felt the blow of that one. My last blog was about waking up, and in doing so I have realized how little I had been giving because of how low I had let my wells become. Upon waking my muscles were so weak and small that I found myself leaning on Rae to walk. But remember when we met, I was running like mad?!!  Required: Solitude.
Being your{whole}self is nearly impossible if you're never alone with your silence.

Even in my crowd of a life I have somehow found my solitude when I needed it. In my childhood I would climb; sycamore branches held me quiet and high. In college I had my own room(s) that became shrine to my organization, spirituality and reflection. Moving back to Oklahoma City from Stillwater was a restart and I buried myself deep in the walls and creaky floors of my grandparent's house. Sometimes solitude conveniently pops in when you need it, other times you have to manifest it.

Here's to loving yourself, even in the silence!

Quiet

Greetings from the quiet belly of Scampi

White Sheets

  It happened Christmas morning as we dressed and pushed our sleepy bodies out of the warm womb of Scampi - our dry Oklahoma dirt was delicately sprinkled with snow!  Christmas white sheets.

  I always loved holiday snows but this one was a bit different as trekking to and from the house through the yard for bathroom use made the prospect a little less than ideal. But it came and we have survived our first snow in the camper.
(Needless to say, I ordered myself a new pair of boots with lots of this sort of trekking in mind for the future.)

Rumi was ecstatic about romping around in the cold.

my sweet snow pup!

(these boots are not warm.)

housemate snow fight

* snug inside*

berries for the birdies

  I've not yet begun to make my summations of the year. I'm trying to remain here, earthed.  We still have so many things to take care of before we embark, so much money to save and plans to make. I find myself either losing patience or floating in outer space, my go-to distractions. Living in the camper hasn't made us go crazy or hate each other, but it has definitely turned up the refining heat. All sorts of things are coming to the top and I'm narrowing.
Minimizing, in soul form. Desire is what you let it be.


Cheers for your holiday!

The Winds Change...Again

As of my last entry I was holding on to sanity. Living on the NW corner of Oklahoma City in suburbia was beginning to take its toll.
Correction - had already taken its toll.
It took me some weeks to realize the depression I had sunken into wasn't just seasonal. I'm still finding my way out...but these are some changes that have helped:

1) Rae quit Sprint!

2) Rae then began picking up shifts again at The Wedge, a local pizza shop, as well as landed a job at Whole Foods! Woo-hoo! Jobs that make for a happier lover.

3) We decided (since the one job close to my dad's where we were living no longer existed) we should move closer to the jobs we had. "Why not live out of the trailer now!?!" So we moved into the backyard of Clementine, an artist community house owned by one of Rae's long time friends, and where my Frankie kitty also happened to be living.

moving across town!

4) We got a dog. Rumi, a 17-month old German Shepherd who was no longer going to be housed/trained by K9 University because she wasn't driven enough. She's a lover. And she belonged with us. 
 

"it's bright out here!"

Rumi

Camper Pup

It has been interesting, but we figured we should go ahead and get all the kinks worked out of living in our Scampi before we hit the road. So here we are!

After moving in we crashed - physically and emotionally. In our recuperation we began realizing how our environment had been so out of synch with our souls. We loved seeing my family and having a warm, comfortable room to sleep in. But you can't ignore the heart needs. Sometimes things just change. And sometimes you have to make them change.

Franken-lover

A dear friend made this quilt for us!

Parked in our new yard

The desk from which I post now

I'm still processing the magnitude of what we are about to do (and are already doing every day) but one very simple, solid point keeps me together - I share this with my person. A heart, mind and body that is intrinsically in tune with my own. I'm beyond words.