project?

I ALMOST FORGOT!!!

i'm also thinking of doing another photo project. how annoying is the photo-a-day project? anyone try it yet? i'm considering it. just to make sure i'm documenting everything i'm doing/going through/feeling. i might start it. although i feel like a loser for not starting on the 1st, i'll just make up for it. somehow.

for an inspiration-less day

yesterday i was feeling particularly flat. i left work at noon to surrender my afternoon to this yucky head/sinus thing (that's still lingering.) i slept for hours and woke in a cloud of gray. i needed to go outside. i needed to take a photo.  lucky for me, amy came to rescue me from the apartment and i did something that i haven't done in a while...i inspired myself from nothing.

i go so many days a week feeling slow and tired, lacking of anything resembling creativity. my weekends overflow with photographs but my midweeks pass by, empty and lonely.

i'm hoping to get better about this. i've been considering the photo-a-day-for-a-year project that so many people have been doing but never commit to it because of all the obvious reasons. the main one really being that i can see myself taking merely satisfactory photos if my time is short or creativity lacking. i don't want a project about mass. i need a project about meaning.

its developing in my brain so i'll let you know what comes out. or give me suggestions if you have them! or let me know if you want to join me in a little quest of heart meets camera!

love!

i want to give up

this whole food thing is taking a lot of thinking. thankfully sushi was my savior for lunch today. salmon, avocado, cucumber, seaweed & rice. ok, and cream cheese. but that was the only processed part. not too bad, right?  other than that one thing i'm still on track. i know, it's only been 13 hours. still. i'm hungry.

because i can't stop and discomfort

    i'm feelin pretty good 6 days into lent...other than my dr. pepper cravings that have just barely subsided. it's like crack...i hear people in my department at work opening dp cans, and i know its dp!!! not coke or sprite...i can tell its that dp crack that i'm craving so desperately. pitiful.
   anyway, i've been feeling good. working out more, losing some sugar weight, feeling motivated to go further. so i've decided to do a week of completely unprocessed foods. this is how we're supposed to eat anyway so i should be doing this all the time. but just a test for now to help me pay more attention to my ingredient intake....
   basically i'll just eat natural foods. and by 'foods' i mean all real foods from the earth (& maybe animals too....i'm not a huge meat eater so we'll see how hungry i get).


can't eat - bread, pasta, bagels (which i love with cream cheese), cereals. and its not just the "carbs," there are plenty of other processed things like salad dressing but i don't feel like listing all of them.

can eat - fruits, veggies, nuts, berries, meat? and i figure i'll allow dairy cause its mostly natural. cheeses & cottage cheese are just molds anyway, right?  plus i'll prob need the carbs & fat so i don't go crazy because i'm normally a carb-phine. plus people just need fat.

but i'm only doing this for a week.


ok, let's say until this saturday for now.
this means i'll have to do some more grocery shopping. and just a clarification...this is not a diet! i'm really just wanting to familiarize myself with the meals i can make with fresh, whole foods. hopefully i'll start craving real foods and making better food decisions that are not based on convenience.

and i'm starting now....

dinner tonight. 

steamed carrots, broccoli & asparagus. mmmmm. just got them from a new asian market (crepe myrtle market) in stilly that we're super excited about.

health nut, sweet teeth & fat tuesday

    i know most of you have heard me lecture the air about the evils of the american food system and how most people are blindly consuming these "edible" items we call food. i've gotten worse (actually, i suppose its better) about stabbing my pitchfork into the ground and sneering at the giant grocery stores for their beguiling prices and swearing to start a commune. i whole-heartedly desire to nourish myself from the earth and live a sustainable lifestyle...
    but why why whyyyyyyy do i have such a sweet tooth!? forget a sweet tooth...all my teeth are inclined toward sugar!!! (and its not even sugar we're consuming! most of it is high fructose corn crap which is waaay worse for you than actual sugar regardless of what those stupid hfcs lobbyist commercials will tell you!!! but that's another blog...) for such a "health nut," or whatever you wish to call it, i'm basically just a walking contradiction! i will eat cookies and cakes and drink dr. pepper and completely ignore what its doing to my body (let alone how its effecting the environment and the economy!)
    i do always feel guilty. and it really just sums up to laziness. i may have cravings, but i flicked them off my plate for years when i was running (most of the time.........ok, maybe about 65% of the time.) i suppose now that i don't have specific health or fitness goals i don't have a really good reason for being responsible. "really" here meaning something as important as money (scholarship at the time) or a fierce chewing out from someone. but my health? eh.....i always slough it off for tomorrow.
    so, now i'm here. weighing more than i've ever weighed and none of my clothes fit (the seems have actually ripped out of a pair of work pants i wear all the time!)  and before i get hateful comments about how small i am and how you hate me, just listen - its not about the weight!  its not about the roll that is currently hanging over my pants (not just sticking out above, but actually OVER) or the fact that i can't even wear my stretchy workout pants anymore. its the fact that these are all just very obvious warning signs that i am not taking care of myself.
    screw the weight. screw the roll. the extra boobs are nice so i'll leave that alone. but i need to stop eating crap! and then amy asked me today "are you giving anything up for lent?"

my reaction - "lent?"

i've never really given anything up for lent specifically but i figure now is the perfect time to break myself of some bad habits and replace them with good ones.

so here is my "suck it up and give it up" lent list:

 1. Dr. Pepper

 (i love/hate you)

2. cookies

 (this means i will be taking those v-day cookies i just bought to work tomorrow)

3. doughnuts - i really don't have them that often but i know there will be a huge box of them waiting for me tomorrow morning at work. i can always smell them when i walk by. that's probably a bad sign. tomorrow i will be strong!

4. limit my chocolate intake to twice a week (kind of cheating, i know....but at least its something!)
 

these stinking oreo balls were amazing

 and cake balls. maybe i just like saying balls. but they were amazing too. 

 so...here we go!!!!!  anyone giving something up until easter?