nerves

nervousness: an uneasy psychological state

i've been (shockingly) calm all week. i could eat normally without wanting to hurl. my heart didn't jump out of my chest when i thought about putting skates on. and then something happened tonight. midnight. that means its saturday. that means the bout is today. just hours away.

heart rate, launch!

stomach....start your trembles!

forward ho!!!!  we're off for full fledged freakout

i find myself here a lot. queasy stomach, shaky from the inside out, dreading whatever it is that's coming. i hate this feeling! whenever i'm like this i find myself wishing i could transfer to another time, another place, another life even!  "that person in the cube next to me, going to the lake for the weekend. how fun, i'd rather go there!" i whine to myself. its my last minute panic party and i'm trying to ignore the fact that i'm the one who put myself out there for the jump.

what is it that makes us (me) so hysterical with nerves? the possibility of failure? the performance itself? the unknown abyss in which we are to hurl ourselves is looming ahead and we don't have control of what happens when we fall in? probably all of it combined. and i'm sure my type A lends to the insanity in these cases - my need for control, compulsion to be faster/stronger/better, fear of failure. on and on.

my psychology major makes all this easy for me to understand. i can think about these stimuli and emotional reactions for hours. but nothing calms the waters until the storm passes. for now i'll do some yoga, drink lots of water and go to sleep. i'll let you know how it goes...

p.s. happy 6 year anniversary to my preston! but more about that later...post-bout