post-bout & anniversary

sooo my first bout with the angels of no mercy was aaaammaaaaazing!!!!!!! i'm totally in love with it! the team, the fans, the knocking down & getting up, the rush of it all! morning welcomed me with a nervous stomach but i chilled soon and i remained calm (somehow) until the start! 

my heart jumped a bit the first time i stepped up to the line but as soon as the whistle blew i was fine. it wasn't nearly as scary as i thought it would be! even though all the opponents were (of course) bigger than me i did my darnedest to hold my ground...even when Toxic Ta'Kilah's giant boobs were about to knock me out!

here's an iphone pic my dad took before we started

yep, sexy, huh? with my slobbery mouth guard in hand and my hair slicked into the helmet. ha!

anyway, i had a blast! sadly, we lost go the green country thunder dollz but it was a fight the whole way and we entertained the small (due to holiday) but lively crowd.  i'm ready to get some more practice in now that i have a better idea of the end result. 

OH! and someone asked for my autograph! i probably shouldn't have said "you really want my autograph!?!" but i couldn't help it...i was in shock!

~~~

as i mentioned in my last post, yesterday was also our 6 year wedding anniversary! 

preston worked, i skated. 

we both halfheartedly wish we had planned something grand for our weekend because after all six years seems like one of those big anniversaries! we both arrived home smelly & tired but went out to the derby after party, had good time, and slept super late today. we've had so many planned-out celebratory weekends before and they were all fun...but there's nothing quite like playing the hermit together. especially when its raining outside!!! 

i can't believe its been 6 years! {side note: someone asked me yesterday "so, did you guys start dating high school?" haha! nope, i replied and was giddy upon hearing that they thought i was 23. heehee}

happiness & love, baby

we loved this quote & put it on our wedding programs:

"Here Love's longing draws back the veil, and illumines the recesses of the heart,

Creating a happiness that no other happiness can surpass but that of the Soul when she embraces God."

-Kahlil Gibran from Secrets of the Heart, chapter on The Way of Marriage.

nerves

nervousness: an uneasy psychological state

i've been (shockingly) calm all week. i could eat normally without wanting to hurl. my heart didn't jump out of my chest when i thought about putting skates on. and then something happened tonight. midnight. that means its saturday. that means the bout is today. just hours away.

heart rate, launch!

stomach....start your trembles!

forward ho!!!!  we're off for full fledged freakout

i find myself here a lot. queasy stomach, shaky from the inside out, dreading whatever it is that's coming. i hate this feeling! whenever i'm like this i find myself wishing i could transfer to another time, another place, another life even!  "that person in the cube next to me, going to the lake for the weekend. how fun, i'd rather go there!" i whine to myself. its my last minute panic party and i'm trying to ignore the fact that i'm the one who put myself out there for the jump.

what is it that makes us (me) so hysterical with nerves? the possibility of failure? the performance itself? the unknown abyss in which we are to hurl ourselves is looming ahead and we don't have control of what happens when we fall in? probably all of it combined. and i'm sure my type A lends to the insanity in these cases - my need for control, compulsion to be faster/stronger/better, fear of failure. on and on.

my psychology major makes all this easy for me to understand. i can think about these stimuli and emotional reactions for hours. but nothing calms the waters until the storm passes. for now i'll do some yoga, drink lots of water and go to sleep. i'll let you know how it goes...

p.s. happy 6 year anniversary to my preston! but more about that later...post-bout

yay for etsy shops!

my lovely friends jess & rashel have just opened their etsy shop - project ace marley! so far i want to buy everything they have listed...but i'll refrain for now so you can go check it out!

{sneak peek}

keep checking it out cause they're still adding items!

carnival time!!!

there will be a carnival here soon! yiippeeeeee!!!! preston will probably watch me eat a whole corndog and jump on a crazy ride, he'll just laugh. i have no idea when it starts....but i jumped on my bike and creeped around the setup for a while taking photos.

where's audrey when i need her?

so today i go on a lovely bike ride from home to mailbox to store. it was perfect out, i was ready for my evening, some boy waved at me as i rode by. 

and then as i passed he spouts "wanna have sex!?!? hehehe"   

aghh!  and for some reason all i could muster was a lame facial expression that said "gross little boy!"  WHYYYYY couldn't i have reacted better!?!?! and by better, i mean ramming the preteen pussbag with my bike, whamming him in the nose & delivering a swift kick to the crotch!?!?! where's my Audrey DEATHburn when i need her? obviously, not riding the bike with me.

be warned, little roach, i know where you live

and i should also heed the suggestions of yanyan.

on with life....tattoo!!!!

i already posted one cell phone pic of it to facebook, but here's a better one...

 (although it was hard to aim my giant camera at my shoulder with the opposite weenie arm...)

and a random little self shoot from today...

i promise - i don't love myself as much as you'd think with all these photos. they just keep me dreaming...

also i got some new waterproof gel eyeliner to wear for bouts! i think i still need more....think so?

friday already?

you will most likely never see that statement from me again...

anyway...FRIDAY!!!!! yipppeeeeee! the week (thankfully) flew by and now i'm laying out my weekend. and i'm hoping to keep these two days of freedom under control:

-try not to cram too much into my time (i have a very bad habit of doing so)

-get out of bed before noon....if i feel like it, ha!

-go somewhere i wouldn't normally go and take photos

-work on my etsy shop

-run atleast once

i'm finding that i walk a very fine line between planned activities and freedom. still trying to work out a good balance without feeling overworked or lazy.

 we'll see how it goes...

have a comfy weekend!

and my derby names isss......

meet one of the newest Angels of No Mercy roller girls.....

Audrey DEATHbuuuuurn!!!!

preston made me do the growl, i swear.

(and this will look much more rockin' with my shoulder tat.....5 day countdown...)

i had a blast at practice tonight. ready to practice more and get faster! 

my red wheels & laces, new bearings and toe guard should all be here soon. and i now have tickets for the bout on May 29th, Sat 7pm at the Stillwater Expo. so shout if you wanna come! 

i think i'm an alternate right now so might not be skating this one unless something happens.

yay for roller fun!!!!

blue chain!

i found colored chain!!!!! (bright light appeared in the store isle and i heard angels sing)

you know you want this....its going on my etsy shop soon

also.....i set an appointment to get my shoulder tattoo (f. i. n.a. l. l. y.)

seriously, anyone who has spoken to me for more than 20 minutes knows i've been planning this freaking this for over 3 years now. and replanning. and changing. and planning some more.

so its happening a week from saturday! woo-hooo!!!

changing

its so odd how things change.
those quiet people from high school are now outgoing. those who weren't runners are now running marathons. and those who lived to run for years are now being lazy asses. (that would be me)
the people who didn't seem particularly religious now post bible verses on their facebook page and write about grace. and some of the devout from high school now rarely step into a church. its so odd to me!!!!

i know i have changed drastically in the past 10 years, not sure why i expect that everyone else has stayed the same. my life is maybe about 10% similar to the way i thought it would be. i'm fine with it too, i love it. i'm glad its not what i thought it would be, what i expected it would be when i was 18. i think we all need change to keep moving forward. we outgrow our old clothes, time for something new.

but then there are those that have stayed the same. which is odd in itself as well.

just some random thoughts. that really don't make much sense...

here's a consolation photo for enduring my spouts.

yummy looking, huh?

its a handiwork saturday

as much as i love escaping this town on the weekends there is still nothing like a saturday at home where the only expectation is that you'll give in to all your whims and lazy-heart desires. 

today: zumba/buy laces for my skates then immediately return them/lunch/skate/handiwork time!!

i'm working on some new stuff for my etsy shop! my boy (haha, he'll hate being called that) is working tonight so i've taken over this desk space with my 'toys,' cranked up pandora & made myself a drink. the kitties are lazing around the living room watching me through their little slits of eyes and nosing through my chain.

ahhh saturday

beeeaaaaddssss!!!!

sanity

so i'm assuming that everyone is like me and has days where you wanna punch every female near you in the ovaries. and males....well, honestly on days like these they're so insignificant its not even worth thinking about. (except for my man cause he's amazing, thankyouverymuch)

for whatever reason you hate the world, your car, your pants, everyone who looks at you, laughs or even smiles in your direction. you can't stand to sit still and you just need something! (tell me its not just me and i need to be treated for bipolar!!!)

actually, i have a degree in psychology so i know i don't need to be treated for bipolar.

anyway...

i suppose the best thing for these days is to be armed with your remedy. a bad day remedy! maybe it doesn't work in every situation, but most of them! i know i've said it a hundred times, but mine is grass. not pot. (well. maybe...) its being outside!!!! trees, wind, grass, dirt, birds.

i left zumba before i glared any innocent booty-shakers to death and went for a run at the cross country course.

2 miles in my five fingers. some barefoot. stretch, breathe, calm.

then went home to get my camera, came back & took photos of the sun illuminating everything. 

i can breathe again.

so, what is your bad day remedy?

most of my photos are still on film because i'm amazing and didn't take extra batteries for my canon. but it didn' bother me....i was outside!