unapologetic

i have always been a pleaser. (people pleaser, that is)  i have always been friends (or at least amicably acquainted) with everyone i'm around, regardless of their reputation or personality. i want everyone to like me! so much so that for a long time i dealt with rejection issues with anything i put out in the open for review. public speaking, written reports, photography, opinions even! i was so afraid of critique!  i slowly began creeping away from my fear, and i'm realizing three major steps in my process.

first - clothing. odd really, but clothing has always been the one thing i can remember choosing & wearing defiantly since at least second grade when i cut the feet of my lace tights to wear them under skirts  (regardless of my mom's protest.) it was an easy expression for me and i didn't care what people thought. but everything else was too intimate.

second - hair. the first time my friend/stylist richelle chopped my long locks into a short, red & black bob i felt like it was finally me. maybe it sounds stupid, but it was another piece of my little shy heart punching out the hiding walls and proclaiming its presence.

third - photography. the hardest one. i submitted some photos for critique at my first PPO seminar a few years back. i was crazy nervous when my photos were projected on the giant wall for the room to discuss. but i got so much good feedback!  not one person said "damn, these suck! you should go home and quit, whoever took these crappy photos" as i had irrationally envisioned. i learned a lot and began to almost crave that feedback.

i have years to go before i consider myself good, but since that first seminar i have grown into the confidence that is helping me present my work regardless of what people think. perfect example - the art show i applied for and was denied entry. after emailing for an explanation i got a very detailed response. other than a few questions the judges had about my work (which could have easily been asked & answered via email since there's still a month until the entry deadline, but whatever) the main reasons for my exclusion was that my work & presentation were not refined enough.

it actually made me feel better to know that was the reasoning. and i don't care in the least. i don't care because i don't plan to mat & frame more prints. i don't plan to hang them on velcro walls at an outdoor art show. i don't plan to hang a stuffy black & gold plaque at my booth detailing my photo history and experience for patrons to read while they pretend to be interested in my photos.

i print my photos on artboard and hang them with wire or frame them in metal. i use recycled paper or cardboard squares to label my prints. i use a re-purposed raspberry crate for a business card holder at my booth and hang signs encouraging to "love the earth, wear a reused bottle cap!"  its raw and real and rough around the edges. its just me. and i don't plan to change it to fit into a mold.

completely unapologetic.

a lovely friend, paige, posted a quote on her blog the other day right about the time i was needing it:

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.   -Dr. Seuss

sorry for the long, boring post. here's a photo to make up for it. 

although its of me so probably boring still. 
but i just love my wolf shirt.