last night when i proudly proclaimed that this is the happiest i've ever been, i was lying. don't get me wrong - it wasn't purposeful. i didn't mean to lie. because i really am happy. but i looked back later and realized that this isn't really the happiest i've ever been. where i'm at isn't that giddy, giggly, brimming with cheer and lovely thoughts sort of happy. its more the gritty, brutally honest and raw kind of happy. the happy that houses a genuine smile even though it feels the rough edges of what has been torn away. i won't call it contentment, because to me that doesn't entail the hope and optimistic resolve i have. this happy is realistic. it's been worked for and earned.
anyway, i just didn't like that i spouted that statement and left it hanging in the air without my heart behind it.
I hope you find your happiness. I know you have it in you. Come stay any time. :)
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