birthday giveaway - the winner!

there were a lot of good guesses for the giveaway...but my official time of birth was 2:39pm!!!

the closest guess was 3:30pm by suzanne stroup!!!  

woo-hoo! congrats!!!

birthday giveaway!!!

so i feel like giving away a bottle cap necklace today! this one hasn't been listed on etsy yet so you're seeing it for the first time. but...i need a reason....how about its-my-birthday-and-i-do-what-i-want?! sounds good to me.

so this little puppy is gonna go to the person that guesses the closest: 

what TIME was i born?!

(and you have to guess an actual time, "evening" won't count as an answer)

just post a comment with your guess and i'll give the correct answer at 10pm tonight!

(and mom, you're not allowed to comment!)

good luck, yo!

29 until 29

there's about 29 minutes until my birthday. please...i'm not looking for attention. i'm just thinking. 29 minutes until 29 years old. yep, 29. wow. and this is definitely not where i thought i'd be at 29.
i'm trying to think of a simple way to put what's spinning around in my head. i suppose it sounds/looks something like this:

whoa. 29. *shudder*
but i feel younger. i've always felt younger. especially now.
unemployed
starting my life over
(hopefully i'll get that camera tomorrow)
freshly out of the closet, divorced
freshly single, and then un-single again
my house is cold
29 minutes till 29
29 minutes and you'll be 29 too
and i miss you. i miss my friend.
but we'll see where life leads
hopefully i'll see you again
and we'll both smile {hopefully}
this flogging molly song makes my heart smile
i wish frankie would stop playing with his toys on my bed...
maybe i'll wear a dress tomorrow, and makeup too
and maybe my amazing red vintage heels
whoa. 29.
*sigh*

good morning

breakfast building complete.

good morning, everyone!

its a good morning for me as i will begin shopping for my new camera & make a purchase soon! yay!!!! also, hoping to tie up some loose ends on the job front. ha! i can't even say loose ends when i don't have ends to be loose! currently still waiting for info to finish my financial aid to even see if i can afford the hair school i want to go to, and so the job situation sort of depends on that. but today is camera day!

brrrwhatthecrap?!?!

so i left town this weekend with a bag packed full of spring dresses & shorts. but now bbrrrr!! what the crap!?! i'm pretty positive that i'm going to have to replant everything that was in my garden. and since i still haven't filled my propane tank i've come home to a frigid house. the little space heater in my bedroom has thawed my fingertips just enough to type. and hopefully the room will warm up enough for me to make some more duct tape wallets (since i've suddenly been selling them like crazy this weekend! yippeeee!) sadly, i didn't even get photos of the cool ones i sold. soon..

this card holder is my fave so far...

etsy updates

woot! woot! for etsy shop additions!

unemployed

 i like this. being home at 11:45am. working on design stuff. etsy shop. planning. sleeping kitties on the bed. the smell of breakfast toast still in the air. taking in the sunshine.

create your reality

today was my last day of employment at the bank where i have been for 6 years. its been a safe job - one i kept while i was living in stillwater. 8-5 (or later), benefits, decent paycheck. safe.

i moved to norman with a job in the edmond branch but found out my second day there that the branch was closing. sorry if you've heard this story before (or a thousand times before). but obviously there are other plans. so, as of today i'm no longer employed. i'm deciding what it is i want to do next. 

i had been looking for full time office jobs, since i'm very qualified and know i can make a decent living with it. but i've resented being an office hamster for years. my heart spurs me on toward dreaming.

now i have the opportunity to go out and do whatever i want. live how i want. create my reality. so tomorrow i'm visiting the Paul Mitchell school for a tour and more info on becoming a hair stylist! for years i've considering becoming a hair stylist but it hadn't quite settled in my soul until now. i've been planning my new camera purchase for weeks and revving myself up for an etsy shop revamp. photography, design, hair, creativity. its everything i feel inside, now we'll see if i can make it a living. so, *whew* here goes nothin'...

also, some photos of my hang time with scout yesterday...

 yep, adorable

and trying to pick out paint for my bedroom...

(i'm liking the gold at the very bottom left!)  =D

sprouts

i missed the first day of spring. at least, i missed recognizing it when it happened. the past week has been a spinning blur. friendships, emotions, loss, second chances, everything mixing together into some unknown flavor of life. i keep pondering the fate vs choice subject. i'm a believer in both. and right now i'm lying in the bed i've made. its a messy bed, with one of those odd blankets that makes me sweaty if used, but freezing if pushed aside. i don't know exactly what that blanket is supposed to represent...maybe my choice and the fact that regardless of what i do i am going to be uncomfortable. but i suppose sometimes that's unavoidable.

anyway, about spring. i have sprouts in my garden!

so, like i said before - my garden can represent my soul. i'm seeing new sprouts. life is coming up, changing. i just gotta remember to keep watering! haha!
and speaking of watering...i bought a new water hose so this one actually reaches all the way to my garden! no more thumb-over-the-hose and stretching to sprinkle my thirsty rows of soil! yay for domestic purchases!

procreation documentation

no, i'm not speaking of porn. haha! birth photography!!
my lovely friend paige asked me about photographing her home birth in a few months. i (maybe a little over-) ecstatically agreed. my mother had my last two brothers at home and i witnessed the "miracle of birth" (orwhathaveyou) twice by 10 years of age. popping out babes seemed like a pretty normal thing to me, but somehow at 9 years old i knew home-birthing was something a little more than bizarre to most people. but i was proud that my mom was a naturalist and i've grown to have the same ideas about birth (and life in general, really.)

anyway, i photographed my sister-friend rashel's birth nearly three years ago. it wasn't at home, but a birthing room with a midwife. it was warm and intimate and precious. no unnecessary medical intrusions, just a woman's body doing what it knows to do. new life, new love.

haha! i <3 nick. and rashel is probably gonna kill me for this one

 

i always figured i'd be a mother some day. i figured it would happen easily, undoubtedly and without hesitation. at 21 i would have predicted i'd have at least one or two spawns by now. but as the years passed the idea became more and more distant. as a young married female of 'prime reproductive age' i had revolted from any maternal ideas, thoughts, suggestions, etc. but even when i was proclaiming to the world that i didn't want kids, i still felt it. and then there was scout marley's birth. it was then, as i attempted to steady my camera with trembling hands and focus through teary eyes, that i could no longer avoid that maternal pull. since then i've been slowly letting myself accept that side of me that i've felt so prominent (but had hidden) my entire life.

now as i'm finally -publicly- admitting this i'm also fully aware how much further away this part of life is for me {especially now}.  regardless of my TypeA-control-freak personality i don't worry about what i can't control. there's no point. it will happen some day. at least i'm hoping. but for now i'm loving my ride. this life is taking me where i need to be. and i'm soo looking forward to documenting all these new sprouts that will be popping up around me. and soaking in my friends new joys. <3


(side note: obviously i know there are exceptions to the "natural" birth process. shit happens. and i'm not condoning unsafe practices or throwing all medical advice out the window. i'm just the chick who will go with nature when it comes down to it. to each his own.)

ok, fine...

     last night when i proudly proclaimed that this is the happiest i've ever been, i was lying. don't get me wrong - it wasn't purposeful. i didn't mean to lie. because i really am happy. but i looked back later and realized that this isn't really the happiest i've ever been. where i'm at isn't that giddy, giggly, brimming with cheer and lovely thoughts sort of happy. its more the gritty, brutally honest and raw kind of happy. the happy that houses a genuine smile even though it feels the rough edges of what has been torn away. i won't call it contentment, because to me that doesn't entail the hope and optimistic resolve i have. this happy is realistic. it's been worked for and earned.
     anyway, i just didn't like that i spouted that statement and left it hanging in the air without my heart behind it.

mixed

i can honestly say that this is the happiest i've ever been. i'm having the best days - gardening, eating, learning, being with friends and family, being home. but there are little sad intervals between when i'm processing the past - the loves lost, the loves leaving. i'm cleaning and organizing this house where my grandparents lived; where my grandparents won't return. the things of theirs i'm moving are replaced by mine, they're replaced by me. i'm living a life apart from what i've known these past 10 years and i've moved from the safety & solitude of that comfortable town. i'm happy to be here, but a little sad for what i'm leaving behind - the things you leave behind because abandon is essential if you want to go where the current is leading. relationships, lifestyles, jobs...sometimes changes come in waves. and i'm riding at the top of this one.
i know i'm where i need to be. i know this completely, 100%. but being where you need to be doesn't always equate with complete bliss. it sometimes includes loss, changing. and almost always includes growing. the past 8 months have been the most heartbreaking, exciting, scary and reassuring months i've lived. and there's so much further to go. we'll see what's next.

photos from my lovely weekend:

the tree in my front yard is blooming! let's hear a "hell yeah!" for spring approaching!

seeds are planted! tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, cilantro, basil, parsley, strawberries

coffee & friends

david taking suzanne's doggy for a spin on the mini dirt bike