i realize now, and i really think i knew at the time, that the shot may have been posed. but it was the thought, the reality of the situation. and i felt it so early. this empathy, love, this heart swelling thing (call it what you will) was pretty common for me...when someone was getting picked on at school, when an elderly lady at the grocery dropped her sack, when a disabled adult was shouted at in public by their parent or sibling.
i've lived my life leaving situations like this with a lump in my throat, watery eyes, a swollen heart. why can't i help them with their shopping and finding their money at the register? i would be patient, i would be kind and understanding. why can't i take care of and show them that they are amazing? because they are amazing, lovely souls!
i have so many loves and passions, but this has been more internal than any of them. it has been constant for as long as i can remember. its beyond my daily emotions, the flippant states of my heart, or the whims i might feel. it has been unwavering.
today i took a step in this direction.
i'm not sure about the timing or money or anything that will happen, but i can't ignore when my heart swells.
you leave me with so many questions......
ReplyDeletei've asked a few people i'm close with but when i'm really touched or saddened, i get an almost sinking feeling in my heart... i guess that's really the only way i can describe it but i get it in my chest and in my wrists simultaneously. it's a very vivid and distinct feeling, i remember getting it when i was young... and even still to this day. i wonder if it's the same thing?
ReplyDeletei've always thought it was a good thing though... to be that moved. it's a blessing.
chest and wrists at the same time...craziness! it might just be the same! i do think its a good thing! its always a good thing when you have the ability to be moved by something, whether it be happy or sad. it makes us alive! =)
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