the new header...

so my lovely derby friend Robin D'Cradle (jules) posted the quote on her page one day.

"i may not have gone where i intended to go, but i think i have ended up where i needed to be." - douglas adams

i'm a fan of douglas adams anyway ("so long, and thanks for all the fish!") so i thought it was cool...plus it perfectly fits my life at this point. so i just wanted to say a bit about that...

i'm not really a planner. i kinda go with the flow and let life happen, only making decisions when it really comes down to the wire. but i'm an idealist. and idealist who i'm discovering is not a realist as i had indulged in thinking, but actually a pessimist.

idealist + pessimist = daily disappointments & depression   (but i'm getting better.)

anyway, the point being that my lack of planning abilities/desires usually lends to my less than lovely mood when a less than ideal situation arises. and the idealist part of me screams out in agony that life isn't perfect (while my pessimist side convinces me that i better just get used to it...)

but somehow in the middle of all the "me" i'm so caught up with all the time i find myself in the perfect place. it just happens while you're not looking. i never planned to be living in stillwater. i never planned to be divorced. i never planned to be 28 and on my own, re-deciding what to do with life. but i've ended up where i need to be.
helpless...possibly.
but happy...definitely.