learning

sometimes it seems that life suddenly dumps the basket of "hard" on you all at once. the balance that i had been feeling for the past few months, the peace, the quiet - it inexplicably vanished.

the past couple weeks have been -hard-

its not that i was expecting this to be easy. i knew this would be hard, life is hard sometimes. but i figured at least the bulk of that would be external. wrong! so maybe its not so inexplicable at all. i let my head get to me. i always do. and i was so proud of myself lately for not over-thinking. it starts with a thought and i dig it into a huge black hole and jump straight in. occasionally i surface and realize that i'm wasting my time.

so i'm learning to listen and let go and live. learning to use my brain for its intended use - rational thought, my soul for guidance, my heart for healing and loving. its an odd process - ripping yourself open in certain places for complete examination, and sewing yourself up for healing in others. its a whole-soul soreness.