in unison

my hair school instructor showed this video today. i've seen flash-mob stuff before, but for some reason the music + the magnitude + my thoughts lately have made this one more significant for me. as i watched it this morning i stared in awe, nearly teary-eyed in class just thinking of the implications of people working together. so i've been watching this at home, and i can't seem to get through it without crying.

something about the crowd, the movement, the message. one person, then a few, then a few thousand. just think of what we can do when in unison!
i've had a back-and-forth struggle with this thought today. feeling big in my own life - master of my destiny - truly happy - making changes that i can make on my own. but also feeling small and heavy-hearted with the knowledge of the human condition. there are countries full of drowning souls. poverty, racism, violence. there is so much we cannot touch. i feel gratitude and guilt almost equally. i realize i can't start anywhere else, but here. i'll play my role, you play yours.and if we're all moving in unison we'll see what we can do.

Mumford & Sons - The Cave

i was originally going to post another video...but as i was working this one came along. and it was more fitting.  i <3  this whole album.  

0+0=0

<3

  

"you're someone my demons have no fear of"

i like that line.

this makes me want to stay home and make toast. walk around in my underwear, make videos.

i've been thinking a lot about my life. what i want. who i am.

i've been testing waters and realizing i've known for a while what it is i'm looking for.

sometimes, when building, you freak out mid-construct. you look around frantically to make sure you're not crazy.

i know i'm not crazy.

i want a life that means something. i want to love and live and create. i want to sustain myself with my passions. i'm so close and so far away. i'm learning and listening and feeling. this road is so unfamiliar, but i'm comforted with the knowledge that i'm not alone. and everything i need will be found along the way.

dream

i found this video a few months ago and had forgotten about it until today. as always, perfect timing. this is the song of my heart, i needed to hear this now.

for the first time since 1997 i'm going to have a valentine's day by myself. alone. single. and i'm totally fine with it. i'm looking forward to it actually! i'm going to love myself. i'm going to do what i want to do, and enjoy it knowing that i'm where i need to be. i'm who i need to be, at least for now. this year's valentine's day will be my own.

i'm rekindling childhood loves - tucking myself away in my grandparents house, immersed in the smell of old books, studying 1970s photography periodicals; watching birds in the back yard and the golden sunset rays illuminating the kitchen; pretending i could stay here forever and fade into time with the rest of these antiques. this place is mine now. and i'm my own now.

go places

so, i've been listening to this song over and over. i like it. i'm specifically feeling the lines "a heart will always go one step too far" and "a heart will always stay one day too long." cause isn't that just right? we've all felt that before. a heart that lingers. the overstay.
well that's the part of the song i had been concentrated on. my life is changing, the whole thing. and i'm concentrated on the stretching, pulling, the growing pains. and oh, the pains. but when i watched this video it was a good reminder that there's so much to see. there's so much to be. (me!) there's so much beyond this. and some day soon i'll be myself again. a better me.
and the better me will go places.

MGMT "Kids"

*sigh*

Mumford and Sons - Little Lion Man

"it was not your fault, but mine..."

again, banjos. they reach my southern/irish soul.
you should see me...about to do a jig in my living room on my lunch break.

dark come soon

the lovey Tegan & Sara

Everything I say, I say to me first
Everything I do, I do to me first

Tiësto feat. Tegan & Sara - Feel It In My Bones

oh dear. how i love this.