Tall Plums: So now that we're here...

For months Rae and I said over and over "I can't wait until we're in Washington." For the weather, the landscape, the ideals of a blue state where nothing is outcast. And here we are. It's been two months now. Things have gone quickly, easily for the most part. I found a bartending job and started within a week. Rae started at Whole Foods but quit within a week (keep hold of your values over money, peeps.) I landed a spot at a reputable local barbershop. Rae finally got the social service job he's been preparing for. We found a place to live, transferred our residencies and licenses. We live here. In Washington. Seattle. Whoa.

We are alone. And not alone. It's a funny feeling. We are processing our places, the size of our feet and length of the streets and height of the curbs. I know very few people here, and those few are acquaintances from the past two months. I miss my family and friends, and the physical closeness to them. Hugs, words, seeing their faces. But I don't miss "home." I am my own home. Cheesy line, I know, and I've said it over and over. For a second I let myself feel guilty about that, but then I realize something that made the most sense I've felt in years.
I've always been here. This has always been my home.

I have the best family & friends I could ever ask for. They support me, love me, help me when I need it. Their presence in Oklahoma is almost all I need to stay there. But as early as junior high I was dreaming of living elsewhere. I wanted to live in a rainy city, downtown near a coffee shop (before I even appreciated coffee.) I wanted grey skies and ocean before I knew what ocean love felt like. Mountains and water and clouds to cover the sky. Immature, naive child thinking I knew where I wanted to live. But I did. I knew the small details of daily living that would make my soul feel at ease. Though a specific city destination may have changed through the years I always yearned for the Northern grey. Ireland set my heart afire again, and Pacific Northwest became first goal. I met my lover, aimed in the same direction. And we were off.

So now that we're here...
Every day hasn't been easy. Sometimes when you dream of something for so long that when you finally arrive you forget - it's still life and life isn't always perfect. I am in no way communicating dissatisfaction. On the contrary, I love it. I am amazed by my surroundings and how far I have come every day. I feel like this is where I've been living my soul life for years, and now it's easier to live outwardly. It's easier to let myself fly into the wind and settle in my bed in the evenings. But you know how "they" always say you can't run from yourself?! We all know its true.
Here we are.
We arrive and deal with ourselves.
What's next?
How long do we want to live here?
Do we want to settle very far away?
Is this barbershop what I want?
Do I want to cut hair forever?
What else do I want?
And how can I make those things happen?
And what about kids?
What about off-grid and sustainability?

How do you get what you want, when what you want is everything?!?!

That last question is the pinnacle. I want self-reliance. I want independence. I want dirt and land and trees and self-grown everything. But I also want travel. I want to cut badass hair. I want to be a momma. I want to be nature's lover.

Figuring out your own balance is the greatest thing I think we can ever do. Passion comes naturally. Balance is what you have to work for.

So, this is what I'm working for.